I'm Not Suppose to be Alive
by Mistress of Blue Evil
Summary: Sirius always falls in love with the wrong women, but the only time he ever fell for the right one...she was torn away from him by Voldemort. What would happen if she came back though? Even after 20 years of lying in the cold hard Earth... :CH1 edited:
1. Chapter 1

**((A/N: Hello there all my dedicated fans and friends and welcome to my newest fic. As usual Flames are not allowed and will be called out on. I hope everyone likes this song and i'm really sorry that I haven't writen anything lately. I'm trying to write more, but sometimes life gets in the way.))**

_I rose from my grave a month ago, not knowing the year or even what time of day it was. It has been almost twenty years since my death and the ones I love are the ones I cannot find. I promised I would come back and he promised that he'd be here when I did, but he's nowhere to be seen. There are no new flowers on my grave I have been forgotten by all, even my mates…_

Twenty years ago, Jackie Potter was put to rest at the young age of 17. They say her last words were a curse of immortality, but no one really believed it, until the ministry went to exhume her body and saw that there was none to find.

I'm Not Suppose to be Alive

**_Back Again_**

The Black Oak Cemetery sits on the top of a tall hill in the countryside of Central England. This is where most of the Noble House of Black lay their family members to rest. The two newest graves in the cemetary are that of a woman and a small child. They are set in the very middle of the very top of the hill under the Oak tree for which the cemetery is named.

The tombstones were made of black granite and the epitaphs were written in hardened liquid gold. The first one was that of the little child and it read:

_Here lies the spirit of;_

_Rigel James Black_

_Son of Sirius Orion Black and Jackie Rana Black_

_His life was short, but full of the love  
of his loved ones._

_"We love you, Rig."_

The woman's grave was almost touching that of the child's and the grave stone was crafted exactly the same. Her's read:

_Here lies;_

_Jackie Rana Black_

_Mother of Rigel James Black_

_Wife of Sirius Orion Black_

_She lived a life of turmoil and sorrow, but __gave unending love to the ones that needed it._

Inside the coffin was the white satin lining with dirt covering the bottom of the floor. The men stood back horrified as if the coffin had been cursed and all the first man did was shake his head and instruct the men to put it back in the ground quickly. The man turned and walked briskly down the hill threw the winding trails of the cemetery and toward a black car. The back window rolled down and the face of Albus Dumbledore could be seen.

"I take it the body grossed you out, Minister," Albus Dumbledore said looking up at the man over his half moon glasses. His blue eyes twinkled as the sun floated into the car threw the window. His eyebrows went up at the lack of response from the usual talkative Minister of Magic.

"Where is it, Albus, that body is important to our investigation of the Dark Lord," the Minister demanded from the Headmaster. Albus cocked his head to the side. The twinkle in the old man's eyes could not get any brighter.

"When you think something is impossible even for a witch, you might want to think again," Albus said as he rolled up the window and the car drove away. The Minister watched the car drive off and stamped his foot on the ground in frustration as the car drove out of site.

A man stood before this grave looking at the tombstone as if it were dog poo on the bottom of his shoes. He nodded his head to the men with shovels in their hands and they began to dig in the soft soil towards, what they thought would be, the decaying form of Jackie Black. As they reached where the coffin lay in the ground they brushed off the dirt and opened the coffin when they hauled it out of its resting place.

**BackAgain**

In Grimmauld Place there are twenty houses, or there should be anyway, there really are only nineteen to the Muggle eye. The houses skip from 11 to 13, to the Muggles there isn't a 12, but the members of the Black family and the members of the Order of the Phoenix know other wise. 12 Grimmauld Place is now home to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, of which Sirius Black is a member.

Sirius Black sat in an armchair in the library of 12 Gimmauld Place looking out at the street below. It was like he was waiting for something life changing to happen. It had been like this for a while. He'd look out the window in a daze for about a hour and then go talk to Remus about the past and then he'd be back to normal.

"Sirius, can I talk to you?" Remus asked as he walked into the library and kneeled next to the chair. "You can't keep living in the past, Padfoot," Remus said as he looked at the blank look on Sirius's face. He shook his head and looked at his friend. Sirius's eyes were red from crying and he sighed shakily.

"She promised that she'd come back some day. I waited twelve years in Azkaban thinking that she could come back any minute and I wouldn't be there like I promised," Sirius said threw the tears that ran down his cheeks. Remus let Sirius rest his head on his shoulder and ran his fingers threw his friend's hair.

"I miss her too, Sirius," Remus said and raised Sirius's head to look him in the eye. Sirius nodded and put his head in his hands. "There's nothing you could have done. It was completely out of your hands. You couldn't have stopped them from coming in," Remus said as he shook head and let his friend cry by himself. "She's not coming back, Pads, you'll see that soon enough," Remus said and sighed as he walked out of the room and bumped into Minerva.

"He's still staring out the window, right?" Minerva asked and Remus nodded before she dragged him down the stairs and having him sit at the table with the rest of the Order. He looked around and only found the older members and no new members sitting at the table around him.

"What's all this about?" Remus asked as he looked up to see Albus sit at the head of the table and put his head into his hands. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at the Headmaster.

"The minister went to exhume Jackie's body today for the investigation into her death. She wasn't in there, Remus," Albus said as he shook his head and let his hands fall to the table and his head rose. He looked at Remus and nodded. "You know what this means, Remus. You must take Sirius to her, where ever she may be," Albus said looking into Remus's eyes. "Or else, we may not like the outcome," Albus said and Remus nodded. He stood from the table and then turned back.

"Sir, what should I tell him?" Remus asked as he leaned against the door and Albus shook his head. He looked down at his wand lying on the table for a minute and then back to Remus.

"You're his friend, Remus, tell him what you wish," Albus said as he stood from the table and made his way to the front door. Albus walked away from the house and apparated away to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"You heard him, Remus, go and get Sirius and get out of here. We'll try to explain to the boy," Moody said as he stood in the corner of the kitchen. Molly and Arthur Weasley nodded and Remus nodded to the people in the room.

Remus walked up the stairs in the house walking past Kreature, whom was mumbling about something to the portrait on the first landing. Remus walked up to the library and got his friend's attention away from the window and the world beyond it.

"You were right, Pads, she's back. She rose like she said she would," Remus said and Sirius's head snapped to look at him. Sirius jumped out of his seat, but Remus pushed him back down. "Sirius, you have to understand, she's not the same Jackie that you married all those years ago. We don't know what she'll be like this time around," Remus tried to explain to his love-blinded friend. Remus turned Sirius's head to look at him and their eyes met. "Sirius, before we go looking for her, you have to understand this. It's been twenty years, she may not be the same woman that we used to know," Remus tried to explain and noted that Sirius's eyes dimmed this time as he said it.

"Okay, I just want to hold her in my arms again, Moony. She's my wife; I love her, with every fiber of my being. I can't lose her again," Sirius said and Remus nodded. He took his friend's hand and they walked down the stairs.

They walked down the stairs and into Sirius's room. They grabbed a few of Sirius's things and left the house. They stood in the park across from the house and sat in one of the benches for a few minutes brainstorming where Jackie could have gone.

**((A/N: I hope everyone liked this and PLEASE review!!))**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone this is some of what I've already written, but soon the updates will stop and my 'plot bunnies' will vanish. I hope they don't, but I'm running out of ideas. When I have all the chapters up I will tell you and ask frantically for help. hope you like this though.**

_I rose from my grave a month ago, not knowing the year or even what time of day it was. It has been almost twenty years since my death and the ones I love are the ones I cannot find. I promised I would come back and he promised that he'd be here when I did, but he's nowhere to be seen. There are no new flowers on my grave I have been forgotten by all, even my mates…_

Twenty years ago, Jackie Potter was put to rest at the young age of 17. They say her last words were a curse of immortality, but no one really believed it, until the ministry went to exhume her body and saw that there was none to find.

I'm Not Suppose to be Alive

**ThePastAgain**

Jackie Rana Black was once Jackie Potter before she married Sirius. She was a year younger than her brother, James, and loved to mirror her brother. She was like the female version of James, so it was no surprise that she and Sirius fell in love the moment they met. Jackie had just dropped a huge water balloon on James's head from the Entrance Hall stairs. She was laughing her head off at her soaking wet brother. At that moment Sirius was introduced to Jackie and he laughed along with the girl.

Since they met their feelings for each other were secret from one an other until that faithful night during James, Sirius, and Remus's fifth year when Severus Snape was almost killed by Moony during the full moon. Jackie had flown into a rage, along with Lily; about how stupid he had been that night and that he could have been thrown in Azkaban.

Later that next day, when none of the Marauders would talk to him, Jackie dragged him to the side and let her anger lose on his stubborn ass.

_Jackie Potter walked up to Sirius Black the day after Severus Snape was almost killed by Remus Lupin's werewolf form. She sat next to him in the Great Hall, ignoring the look she was getting from her brother, and disregarded that Sirius was eating. She sat there staring at him for the longest time trying to get the wording of her demand correct._

_"What do you want, Jackie," Sirius asked as he looked up from his food to look at her. She smiled sweetly to him and pulled on his arm for him to get up. He followed, knowing that if he didn't, Jackie would put in a bad word with James for him._

_"I can't believe you did that last night! Are you stupid or something?" Jackie demanded as they walked into Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. She paced the floor back and forth taking her frustration out on the tiles and her brand new dress shoes._

_"I'm sorry, but how is this any of your business?" Sirius asked and Jackie looked like she was ready to throw him out the stain glass window. She walked right up to him and her face was less than an inch away from his and she glared into his eyes._

_"Why do you think you stupid mutt? Because I care, that's how," Jackie said crushing Sirius's lips with hers. Sirius pushed back with his tongue, letting it plunge into Jackie's mouth. Sirius wrapped his arms around Jackie and she put her hands threw his hair. Sirius moaned into her lips and then pulled away._

_"James'll skin me alive if he finds out," Sirius said as he rested his head on Jackie's shoulder. Jackie smiled and nuzzled her nose into the crook of Sirius's neck. She looked into his eyes and smiled even wider._

_"He'll get over it, Pads, what matters now…is that I love you," Jackie said as she pressed her lips to Sirius's and let him pin her against the wall with his body. Jackie pulled her head away and kissed Sirius's cheek._

_"Let's go back to breakfast, I'm still hungry…"_

It was a memory that Sirius had let go of over the years as he realized that his love was really gone. Jackie had been perfect in Sirius's eyes and at the wedding; she looked like an angel to him…

_Sirius stood at the end of the isle with James and Remus by his side looking toward the end of he isle with a nervous look on his face. He switched his weight from one foot to the other as the music began and Lily walked out first, her red hair up in a waterfall of curls and a dark sapphire dress hugging her body. The other bride's maid walked out in the same dress with her blonde hair up in the same fashion as Lily's._

_Then the music began once again and the doors opened wide and out walked Jackie, in her white sleeveless wedding gown. Her hair was down in waves and the white flowers sprinkled in her hair stood out against its natural black color. Jackie made her way slowly down the isle, a veil covering her face and a bouquet of blue and white flowers sat in her hands._

_"She's so beautiful, Christine, you should be proud," one woman said to the red head in the first row. The red head nodded as her daughter walked past her and up to Sirius._

_Sirius smiled as Jackie got up to him and gave the bouquet to Lily. Lily nodded, smiling, and Jackie turned to Sirius. He lifted the veil from her face and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek._

_"I love you," he whispered quietly and pulled away making Jackie blush. James rolled his eyes and smiled. Lily gave him a correcting glance and James nodded to her over the couple._

_"Dearly beloved…" the priest started, but Jackie was too preoccupied with looking Sirius over to listen to the priest. His black hair was charmed shorter, at the request of Jackie's mother, and Jackie thought he really did look like a penguin standing there next to her and this made her almost laugh. She smiled and, at that very moment, heard her mother start to cry._

_Jackie glanced over Sirius's side of the isle and saw Adromeda and her family sitting in the section alone. Jackie smiled sadly to Sirius and motioned with her eyes to the section behind him. Sirius shrugged slightly and smiled to her squeezing her hands again._

_"Take these rings…" the priest started the exchanging of the rings and Jackie nodded to Sirius. He nodded back and they exchanged rings and vows of eternal faith and immortal love. Sirius slipped the golden ring onto Jackie's finger and she did the same to him._

_"I pronounce you husband and wife…you may kiss your bride," the priest told Sirius and he smiled. He pulled Jackie flush with him and placed his lips over hers. Jackie smiled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around Sirius as the crowd erupted into applause._

_"Yes bravo, bravo," said a slimy voice from the end of the isle. Jackie and Sirius opened their eyes and Sirius moved to stand in front of Jackie. Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily had their wands out in milliseconds and ready to hex the evil wizard at the end of the isle._

_The mothers quickly hurried their children away and Lily handed Jackie her wand. Jackie watched from behind Sirius and James's shoulders as the Dark Lord walked toward them. Death Eaters started to show themselves and circled the remaining people in the seating sections and blocked all exits._

_"Sirius," Jackie said taking Sirius's free hand into her own and squeezing it. Sirius squeezed back and James motioned to Lily to take Jackie away. "I love you," Jackie whispered into Sirius's ear as Lily dragged her away._

_Sirius, James, Remus, and the rest of the Order fought the Death Eaters off and Voldemort went running. It was a terrible ending to a lovely ceremony…_

The ministry has never really closed the case of Jackie's death, but all that knew her knows the truth of what happened that tragic day…

_Jackie stood in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. Her and Sirius had moved in after Sirius's mother died and Rigel, their son, was born. She was rinsing lettuce in the cold water and Rigel sat in his high chair. Jackie turned to the little one in the high chair and picked him up into her arms._

_"My little man," Jackie said as she rocked him gently in her arms, letting the lettuce clean itself. She placed a light kiss on the baby's fuzzy black head. "You look just like your daddy," Jackie said as she put the little one back into the high chair._

_"Jackie! Where are you?" Sirius called from the front hall. Jackie smiled and picked Rigel up into her arms and walked into the hall. She smiled as Sirius placed a chaste kiss on her lips and picked the boy out of her arms. "And my little man," Sirius said swinging the boy above his head. He rocked the baby in his arms to settle him down and gave him back to Jackie._

_"How was work and my stupid brother?" Jackie asked as she led the way into the kitchen, where the lettuce was chopping itself and Jackie placed it in a bowl with some type of vinaigrette in the bottom._

_"Oh, you know James, he's freaking out about Lily. He thinks that she'll just run out on him just as the music starts," Sirius said as he watched Jackie put Rigel back in his high chair and go back to making dinner. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "You smell like pasta," Sirius whispered into her ear. Jackie giggled and nudged him away._

_"That's because we're having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. The pasta is keeping warm on the stove and the sauce is cooking on the burner," Jackie said motioning to the stove top where a pot full of noodles and a sauce pan full of marinara sauce sat simmering._

_"My favorite!" Sirius said pulling the top off of the sauce and the smell wafted through the kitchen. Jackie smiled and smacked his hand. "What! You know it's my favorite," Sirius whined holding his hand limp._

_"Yeah, I know. It's also my brother's favorite, and he and Lily and coming over for dinner tonight. By the way, can you deal with that stupid leak in the roof?" Jackie asked motioning to the stairs. Sirius sighed and kissed Jackie's neck before going up the stairs and up to the attic to fix the leak._

_Jackie looked back from the sink to the baby in the high chair and sighed. She picked the sleepy baby into her arms and walked up the stairs to the nursery. She placed him gently into the blue crib and tucked him in with a red teddy bear._

_"Good night my sweet," Jackie said as she closed the door and turned to go back down the stairs. Bellatrix Lestrange stood behind her grinning. Jackie screamed, but was cut off by a cold clammy hand. Voldemort stood there, his wand to Jackie's throat and his lips in a hope-killing grin._

_"Jackie? You alright?" Sirius called down the stairs and Jackie tried again to scream but the hand was still there. Jackie's wand flickered and a bright red light came out of the tip._

_Voldemort frowned and muttered under his breath the last words that Jackie Black would ever hear in her living existence, "Avada Kedavra!" Jackie fell to the floor with a lifeless thud. Voldemort and Bellatrix apparated away and Rigel started to cry from within the nursery._

_"JACKIE!" Sirius cried as he ran down the stairs and fell to his knees next to Jackie's body. He took her body into his arms and heard footsteps coming up the stairs. For the first time in fifteen years, Sirius Black broke down into sobs as he held his wife in his arms._

_James and Lily stood there in the hall for a second before snapping out of the shock and Lily melted threw the wall and into the nursery to console the crying baby. James knelt next to Sirius and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. Tears running down his own face._

_"He'll pay for this, Padfoot, I swear to you, Sirius, he will pay," James said firmly through his tears and Sirius nodded. Lily melted back into the hall and walked down to the kitchen with Rigel._

_"What am I going to tell him when he gets older?" Sirius asked looking into James's eyes and then looking back down at Jackie. "He's never going to know his mother," Sirius said and James shook his head._

_"We'll find a way, Sirius, don't worry…"_

**((A/N: I hope everyone liked this and PLEASE review!!))**


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